The funny things the school nurse tells me when she calls:
- “Your son said he threw up eleven times last night.”
- “Your son said he’s blind in one eye. He’s now failed the sight chart test three times.” – He passed the vision test at the doctor.
- “Your son has chest pain and thinks he’s having a heart attack.” – Time for an EKG
- “Your son is complaining of back pain that he insists has gone untreated for two years.” – Who knew?
- “Your son has a sore throat. His throat isn’t red and he’s not congested and he has no fever. When I told him it was flu and cold season and he might have something brewing, but I didn’t see anything right now he said, ‘Well then why does it hurt? I’ve been coming here for five years and you still haven’t figured it out.'” – Truth – he has been seeing the nurse almost every day for five years… but accusing her of leaving his sore throat undiagnosed for five years? Come on!
I basically told the nurse that unless my son has a fever, is severely injured, or he poops his pants, there’s no reason to call me unless she wants to share a good laugh. My husband suggested I omit the “poop your pants part” because that’s a bit harsh and embarrassing, but I feel it accurately represents my sentiments.